Friday, March 6, 2009

Class A Jerks

A few days ago I was reading a post over at The Shark Tank which is a daily read for me and a really great blog that I definitely recommend that you check out. They did a post called 5 people who will annoy you at the gym and this really cracked me up and over the past few days at the gym I started noticing more and more specimens that deserve honorable mention. The gym rat douche bags I see everyday. So before you read my additions to the list please go and check out their top 5 here.

I start it off with Mid-Life Crisis Guy. This is the old douche bag usually in his 40s or 50s with the fake bake tan, high shorts, a cut off shirt, and the towel over his shoulder. A real fucking jerk. They usually make their mark by walking around the gym not really doing much, just acting like they are the coolest people to walk the Earth. They jump from machine to machine, standing after each rep to look around, making sure everyone knows how cool they are. They often stop to think to themselves "I am still young, look everyone can see how cool and young I really am." FAIL.

Next is Twig Boy. Twig Boy is the skinny little prick, arms no bigger than a ski pole, that walk around wearing an under armor spandex shirt or just a tank top and try to lift way too much weight than they can handle. This specimen can be seen at any local gym around the country. Dude come on, take that fucking spandex shirt off before it snaps your twig arm in half. FAIL.

And Twig Boy's arch nemesis. The Anorexic Mess. This little beauty can be found running miles and miles on the treadmill because "she is just so damn fat." Little does this specimen know that she is a whopping 35 lbs. Why do you think they tie themselves to the treadmill? Just watching them run is painful. With every step it looks as if their bones are just going break into a pile of dust and blow away. Stop running and eat something you dumb fuck!

The Mom of all Moms. This is the women, 30s or early 40s, walking around in the tight pink spandex, the towel over the shoulder, visor cap, and their infamous fanny pack of water bottles and various supplies. A close relative to Mid-Life Crisis Guy and sometimes mother to Twig Boy. They can usually be found power walking or making themselves look like even more of an asshole doing Tae-Bo kicks on the steps. Get a fucking job!

And last but not least. The biggest fucking douche in the place or TBFD for short. This is the smelly fucking asshole that goes to the treadmill next to the one your on even though there is 2 open rows of them. The douche bag that stands in front of the water fountain not drinking anything, just waiting for someone to come over to get a drink so at the last second he can jump in front of you. The dumb fuck that will steal the machine your on in a heart beat. Yes this is the biggest fucking douche in the place. The next time you see this person in your local gym feel free to hit them over the head with a dumbell!

I also wanna thank One Creative Queen from The Queen Speaks for the shoutout. Go check out her blog here. Shes got some great stuff over there and it's definitely worth checking out.

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  1. ROFL - I had to deal with a TBFD just last night! 5 empty treadmills to the right of me, and this dude comes and gets on the one right next to me on my left. On HIS left was the wall mirror, and he spent the whole time alternating between checking himself out in the mirror, and checking me out. I'm not sure why. I'm always a sweaty mess at the gym, FAR from my most attractive self!

  2. Thanks for the shout out! Great additions, here. In particular, The Mom of All Moms. She can also be found thoroughly cleaning each piece of gym equipment with three gallons of antibacterial spray before she deigns to use it.

  3. Angi-you shoulda pushed him off the treadmill

    Shawn-no doubt. I was actually getting the evil eye from one today because I just wiped the machine down real quick. She re-wiped the machine down a 2nd time before she used it

  4. I felt like it! Today some tiny little blonde chick in a sports bra and spandex pants felt the need to come and flip through some gossip magazine while she ran at 100 mph next to me.


  5. I wonder if the 35 pound chick does oral.
    My guess is no.

  6. I was almost too busy picking myself up off the floor to see your way sweet shout out. I can't help but wonder if it's a good thing I don't have to deal with these people - or if it means I need to get my butt in a gym! ;)

    Thanks again - I love your blog and it means the world that you mentioned mine. I'm still getting emails on that picture!


  7. The gym in our community is loaded with seniors that drive me nuts. I've got the old dude in the same gym clothes day after day (NOT washing them, I'm sure) who pulls on his jowls of his face while he rides the stationary bike. I'm not sure what he is doing, but seeing this disgusts me. Do your jowls need pulling, dude?! Really?

    Then there is Arty Farty. Dude has to get on the treadmill next to mine and fart until the cows come home. EVERY single day! Who has that much gas anyway? And can't he use the machine waaayyy down at the end and fume himself?

    Then there is New Shoes Nancy. The old lady in her "gym" clothes that haven't had a sweat stain since she bought them. Somebody told her that's what people wear to the gym along with her K-Swiss "gym shoes". Yeah. Dead give-away that these folks have no idea what working out is about. It's like freakin' Halloween for old people.

  8. I did my own post on this (from a woman's perspective) at Timeless Bliss.

    By far, women find the Gym Bunny the most annoying.

  9. The douchebags make me see red.

    I hate them!